Put me in jail.

It’s been months since I’ve touched the blog with my thoughts other than sharing product-reviews and gift guides. No one writes in blogs anymore. If a TikTokker or Influencer is going to share personal thoughts, it’s through a “story” or vlog. But, I like to type words on a page. It feels more natural to hide behind a screen, and it’s easier to reminisce in a few years when I look back at my prior-self. Did anyone else keep journals as a kid? I had notebook after notebook I kept, mostly detailing my feelings for the crush of the week, but still warm to recollect on.

Normally, I write after some episode of depression or life change. But, there’s none of that right now. Actually, over the past few weeks, while stressful from a things-to-do standpoint, I’ve felt so tired. Mentally, physically, all the things.

I’ve been trying to pump myself to get out dating again. I LOVE(d) dating. Or at least, I use to. I love getting ready, meeting new people, dreaming of possibilities, the whole process. I’ve never wanted to “settle” quickly, and liked dating. I love(d) first dates. But, as of late, I just have no motivation to get out and leave my current routine.

Maybe I was open to more people or frankly there were more people in my mid-twenties. But, unless I’m really excited towards someone, I don’t want to go. I think I forsee the break-up three dates later, and I just don’t even want to waste the hassle or gas in my car to go out when I know I could have at least a pleasant evening with friends or at the barn or ordering Chinese food at home with my dog. Is this bad?

I’m justifying myself by saying because I’m being more choosy on the front-end, save myself and the other person time. Unless someone is really going to add to this life I’ve worked really hard to create, why risk letting someone I’m not even excited about into it.

Now, and here’s the thing. It would be much more romantic to end on that and dream that I’m just “too scared to let someone in.” But in addition to not wanting to leave my routine anymore, I also don’t really like anyone many people. If my life were a tiktok:

“Says he likes adventure” Jail

“Lactose Intolerant” Jail

” Yells throughout a movie everytime a scene occurs at a place he’s been, when the movie was filmed in the city we live in. ” Jail

“Carpet**” Straight to Jail

“Has this little vein that pops out of his forehead when he speaks” Jail, Jail

So, this is 29. Loving it. My dog is thrilled.

** There was this sweet sweet man, but the carpet in his house had a weird smell, as did my college boyfriend’s. I just can’t go to their house?! You know I just can’t get over the smell and feeling a little dirty. (Has sweaty horse boots in my own vehicle, but you know can’t date a man with a musty carpet)

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