“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered, “May it be to me as you have said.”Luke 1:30
The verse above was at one time written on a chalk board in my previous apartment, back when I thought vintage chalkboards were trendy home decor. It’s not one of those inspirational or famous quotes, like the one in which Mary “cherished in her heart” the events around her. Rather, in this passage the “Angel of the Lord,” isn’t it more impactful to think of him as “the Angel of the Lord,” than “angel?” Ok, so in this passage the “Angel of the Lord,” has told Mary, whose still a young teenage girl, that she will carry Jesus. At the time a very frightening thing, yet she accepts this promise with complete obedience.
I look at all the events around me, and I sometimes feel like I’m so greatly influenced by any little inconvenience, and the big inconveniences are huge events. Rather than utilizing the things around me for the Lord’s glory, I’m full of anxiety and dread.
A few years ago, when Frye was just a young thing, after running a few intermediates at 7 years old, we thought her retirement was actually very soon pending. I drove her to the UGA vet clinic, while calling my bank to increase my credit limit so I could pay for gas to get there, but so full of love for the little mare and peace that these events were in the Lord’s plan. Whether she came back or went to live at home, I gave my dreams, my horse, and all the inbetween to the lord and moved on.
A few years prior, fresh out of under-grad my college sweet heart dumped me. For months I cried and prayed, and picture this. I thought if I could “prove” to the lord I was a mature and able woman he would send him back, and physically got on my little boney knees like three times to pray that he would send him back to me. You know the one that said he didn’t like horses? Anyways, I vividly remember this revelation, maybe it was before or after reading, “So Long Insecurity,” that this weight of daily holding on to this guilt and dread that my ex-mans was not placed back in my life, I realized I just had to give it to the Lord. Give all my cares and dreams and the inbetween to the Lord. Oh the weight was released pretty quickly. (And hello to my next mans with a boat, a dog, an incredible taste in music. Ok, maybe he broke my heart too, but let’s look at the positive here!)
So right now, other than a little financial strain that I… that I will give to the Lord. So many things are going right! My “horse dreams” are coming to fruition. I’m about to drive to my favorite town with my favorite people, and I have nice clothes to wear, and I do kindof have a boy that texts me. (Lord, please take him and figure that out for me.) But, in these better times, I’m still the Lord’s servant, and I want to give these things to Him to use for His glory. I don’t blame the Lord for allowing those ill-times to brush through my locks, because in those periods I felt so close. I had to rely on His words, because they were the only ones to give me hope and freedom from the other dreads.
Like Mary, for good or bad, or for trying and unknown to the exciting events, I’m the Lord’s servant. “May it be to me as you have said.”