Exhausted, but not defeated

I’ve got me tea, which is still way too hot. This means that I’m not going to drink it and fall asleep. Then, it’s going to sit on my bedside table for the next two days. Huckle is curled up beside me, and my ceiling fan light is on, but the light is actually not very light. I usually keep my bathroom light on which is adjacent to the bedroom so I can still see. All-in-all this creates this mood lighting in my room. I have a large lamp, but feel it fits the aesthetic of the living area a little better with a bit more of an industial style.

Anyways, finally curled up for my favorite part of Monday’s. The horse have Monday’s off, and I don’t go to the barn at all. It’s my day to catch up on things, clean, and hopefully allocate more time on the blog. It is usually a few hours of bingeing more of the Office. But, in any case it’s the evening away from the barn to rest. In the previous weeks, it actually hasn’t been that restful. It’s actually my day to work as long as I can make it in the office, so that I can race out early the rest of the week. Tonight , I made it to 8 o’clock before I couldn’t do any more accounting.

The previous two months have been really hard for me. One of my favorite talking points on all of those dates I was going on (before I moved to the ‘burbs ) was the fact I had my dream job. I mean I did accounting, but I could also live at the barn during the week and chug away at night on my laptop to finish projects. I had freedom, lots of responsibility, and a sense of pride in the projects I was placed on. Then, that was all taken away. It really shifted my entire perception of my career. After graduating Auburn and choosing a desk-job over riding full-time I had seen the career as a means to ride, it enabled me to attend the competitions I wanted to. But now, it was DISabling me.

In the story of David, he always has these people, the Philistines, that start battles against his people. The Philistines battled him before he was king, as just a sling-shot boy to an old man.

“Once again there was a battle between the Philistines and Israel. David went to with his men to fight…, and he became exhausted.”

2 Samuel 20:23

I feel like I’ve been battling these obstacles for so long! Your girl is exhausted too. Maybe not in the same way, but let me tell you angry typing on a computer all day is exhausting.

But, in the end the Lord always saw David through his battles. They were there for sure. But, even when things were going well or sometimes when things were already not so good, the Philistines like a pimple, would pop up and become another obstacle.

In studying David, I think I have my own list of Philistines. And I’m tired, but I’m not defeated. If anything through these uncomfortable moments the Lord has opened others doors and encouraged me to explore avenues that I hadn’t previously. I’ve forged so deep into the depths of blogging, and 1. I love it! 2. it’s speared so much confidence in how I present myself that prior-me would never do! I’ve been encouraged to be a better steward of the time I did have so that all of the horses received the right care. It’s also bestowed more patience. There have been several opportunities arise that were promising, but despite my own actions weren’t coming to fruition. (Like literally, given to me and taken away. ) But, in the right timing and right avenue, the correct leads came out. Not when I wanted them, but didn’t need them, but when I actually needed them.

So while I am sure there was some part to learn while I was riding my horses with the light of my headlights in the dressage ring. Thank you Jesus, for providing new opportunities once the entries opened for the first show of 2020.

I tell you guys, He has me where he wants me. (Rolls Eyes) The Lord , bless him, keeps me faithful and dependent, which is good. As always, his plan is in perfect timing. My favorite verse,

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart”

Luke 2:19

Exhausted, but not defeated, marveling at all the events unfolding around me, like Mary I’ll treasure these things and ponder them in my hear.

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