If you don’t like rush hour, try finding rest at the barn.

So, I cannot tell you if it is the Sertralin in my system or the dopamine boost from jumping two horses today, but tonight as I was about to go to sleep I started thinking about the orchestration of every moment of my still young and very unimportant life, and if any small portion that at one point I was yearning to be away from, hadn’t occurred, I would have missed out on some incredible and awe-inspiring moments that are happening in the now. And it sounds like a hopeful country lyric, but these thoughts have really resonated. I’ve just carried them in my heart this week.

Tonight I was spinning in my head through moments a year, five years, fifteen years ago that I was initially so frustrated and heartbroken with. I was thinking tonight how if those little moments hadn’t adjusted the focal point and shaped my future decisions, the things I have now and people around me might not be here.

It’s fixated my attention so much towards my faith and this illustration of the Lord orchestrating such small seemingly insignificant moments. And in the same instance, I realize that on my own, in my own decision-making, it’s just futile. Not that having dreams or goals is bad, quite the opposite. But, through reading God’s word and understanding the beautiful work he’s accomplished, I don’t want to try to do it myself. I don’t have to.

“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me…” Psalm 16:6-9

It’s so encouraging just to know the weight of having to keep going is lifted, and the Lord can tell me to rest in this battle I always have with myself just to trust in him.

I really want to take this promise and adjust my own outlook. Rather than fear what is happening next, taking that energy to becoming the very best steward of what I have now. I want to use whatever platform he’s bestowed upon me to carry out His purpose. I can set all my personal goals and wants: the funding to compete at the upper-levels, all the horses, but not so many that I cannot make a few lake weekends and girls trips with my friends, a raise. Those are just things I can place down in front of the Lord, and I just need to utilize what I have now. I come to him with a servant’s heart, and I know that whether these Earthly things are given to me abundantly or taken away, it’s all ok. The conductor is so, so much better than my own skills. I have the best ally who has already orchestrated amazing things for this little Georgia peach from small-town Alabama.

From looking for change in the side pockets of the car with Mom so we could afford 99-cent tacos at the Taco Bell on Monday nights when I was seven years-old to bestowing the most priceless both angelic and fire-breathing at the same-time, horse to take me on to my first FEI event in a two-time Olympian’s barn only after securing my dream position that only requires working three days a week twenty years later? You can’t make these things up! Oh, and he brought my Mom this amazing person who literally encouraged me to take a break from college to go ride horses (Thank you for changing mom’s mind!), and now he’s building her a dream house with ship lap! This orchestra has been so fine tuned, and each moment perfectly planned in His timing. You can’t want to do it by yourself.

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