Vulnerability

coffee

How many cups of coffee are allowed in a morning. I think the issue is that while the office has over ten types of coffee to choose from they all come in k-cups which are one serving size.  I am use to the original coffee pot where you can fluctuate the amount of coffee poured in your cup.  I must have had a larger cup in Auburn.

The topic, I wanted to write about today is a bit of a devil’s advocate to the mantra of almost all brave Southern families and even a not-so-subtle push from media outlets everywhere, which is to always keep your chin up, suck it up, and never let someone see you stumble. I think in this area of the world it’s considered strength to be able to carry the world on your shoulders and always look presentable with red lipstick and a coat of mascara so you can rule the world.

But what happens when you screw up? I mean, all around you are songs singing about independence and strength, and a social media platform calling for intimidating and working women.  But sometimes life just sucks, and I’m not strong all the time, and I get annoyed, and have a temper. And you expect me to hold that all in? I throw in my towel. It’s too much.

I’ve been listening to a great little podcast by Rachel Brathren and really over the past few months have searched a lot about where I want to take my mid twenties, and being a strong never-failing woman is too much. I’ll break. I’m learning to embrace a new theme, and it’s called vulnerability.

To me, this means accepting my weaknesses, and while I may aim to improve upon them at the chance I stumble or back-track, I can deal with that because I’m human.  I think a lot of us, especially my peers, feel like we’re very normal and average surrounded by these very empowering and outgoing people. So when individually we struggle, there’s this added pressure that we’re supposed to hold it all in. That’s not strength, it’s vanity.

I believe to be more vulnerable is freedom. As a Christian I believe it’s a mandate.  How are we to call ourselves followers and believers in Christ who says no good action can earn your way to Him, yet we’re all trying to present ourselves and good-actioned people.  It’s in our weaknesses and struggles that we’re saved. If we were so good, we wouldn’t need a savior at all!

As a rider, it becomes very self-evident over time which riders follow this mantra a bit more closely. As an gumptious young rider hoping to ride in the Olympics one day to now a 8-5 Accounting still hoping to ride the 4**** level one day, being able to admit to myself that my extremely talented horse will need a few more months to prep for the Preliminary level because my fitness and accuracy as a rider is not in peak condition has been a hard pill to swallow . Because ladies, it’s me not her. I fully expect that had a full-time professional had her under their wing she would be prepping for her first FEI 1*, but that’s not me right now. And I can be honest with myself and available to learn and be stuck in lower jumping lessons a lot easier, rather than try to hide this and pretend I’m a rider I’m not.

I believe it can be freeing and makes building healthy relationships so much easier when individually we are open to our weaknesses and allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

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