“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong & take heart & wait for the Lord” Psalm 27:13-14
I wrote a long blog, I hated it. I used the term “fleek” and “browgame.” Let’s start over.
In gist, in my recently entirely backspaced blog, I was trying to piece together words on my struggle to be brave and an independently beautiful soul, while still fitting right in my desired niches of Accountant, Trendy Young-Adult, Jesus-Loving, Pull-off a middle part type, Horse Girl. Because, yes, I want to fit perfectly into all of these genres, and anything less than meeting that demand currently feels like a punch in the gut. Why the intensity? I get it from my Dad.
As some of you have seen through the quick influx of social media posts, I was just selected as one of the finalists for Bit of Britain’s Next Top Rider. While to win would be a huge achievement and blessing, just the nomination itself felt like a huge pat on the back. You don’t have to be a medal-winning athlete to gain ambassadorships or recognition by these respected brands and companies. If you can become an asset that provides them a return, brands will respond.
So, in response I’ve felt the quick urge to up my social media presence (see above use of trendy youth words), become more professional with the equestrian photos posted, and even leak out I’m available to teach again. (Some… Not enough to quit my day job.)
Really quickly though as I flooded my social media, I felt that look of friends rolling their eyes at another horse photo. I had hushed my inner-horse-girl for so long! I even pictured some of my favorite upper-levels riders curiously looking at my post wondering why this professional-amateur was again attempting to play the horse game.
It’s hard you know. To be so involved with a hobby, or a person, or a lifestyle, but also care what others perceive about you and actually put equal effort into the other things you enjoy. Sometimes, I feel like I’m constantly resorting from one niche to another. Some days I spend planning my goals to reach upper-levels of my sport, Eventing. Other days, I spend 45 minutes on a smoky eye only to wash it off (effort counts). Yesterday, I spent 8-hours working on a tax return.
I think the importance is: in whatever you do, whether that be one thing you pour your whole heart into your whole life or spend each week with a different hair-part. (I’m currently a whole summer in with this middle-part thing) Know that it’s ok to be yourself.
This ought not stem into bitterness that shuts out other people because “Who cares what others think.” Me, I care what others think. If I can drop any kind of joy bomb that’s within my realm of action, I should do it. But, just to feel comfortable in your own skin.
It resorts back to knowing that Christ made us individually and sewed together our thin or thick skin.. He has a plan for our life, and that plan is probably something our little pea-brain cannot comprehend. When you’re fighting to perfect yourself to a standard the world has made or you’re terrified no one will understand that you love your horse and dog a lot, love being an accountant almost as much, with a Georgina Bloomberg middle part all at the same time… Let’s just pause the run-on sentence.
It’s knowing you are ok, just as you are. Your actions, dreams, hair-styles, ability to calculate on an adding machine, those good things were designed by God.
“in all your ways acknowledge Him, & He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:6