” Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, ” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29: 12-14

For the past few weeks, I had presumed the Lord would want me to write about security. I mean, “Hello.” Not only have I accomplish X, lived through Y, and held my head up after I texted Z like 5 times in a row. I’ve learned stuff. I’ve been there.  Once insecure, NOW I must be the most secure girl in the surrounding 100 miles. I adapt. I declared to the Lord “I am so excited to write about security, because I am so secure now and everyone ought to be as secure as I am….”

And Jesus is like… dear. You cried like 3 days ago when a cop pulled you over for your expired tag. Alone, you are blown like a wadded up newspaper across Central Park. But, sweet sweet dear. With me, through me. You are made whole.

Can that please get an amen.

I have learned. At some point you just call, “Uncle.” Yours truly may struggle with some insecurity. Whether it dwells from a rough relationship with my human father, being a perfectionist, or just a bit of in-my-genes personality type. If I am not the winner, first chosen, or top of my class. It feels like a dart was shot, straight into my chest. For me, the idea of not being enough, not loving Jesus enough, disappointing anyone is at the top of my, top 5 reasons Claire will buy a venti White Mocha from Starbucks list.

So recently my dear mother who worries too much about my single lifestyle and tendency to get traffic violations, bought me a wonderful book by Beth Moore on dealing with insecurity, more so on how we put our securities on the wrong thing. I guess Mom wasn’t far off. I do ugly cry to the Auburn cops who keep pulling me over for my expired tag.

And the thing is, this book says, you don’t have to live like that. being insecure. I will admit, for the past 22 years of my life I pretty much decided that I was a ballsy Robinson, who besides the occasional nervousness speaking in public, had my s**** together as a secure person. It wasn’t .. really. until I read this book, that I realized oh geez… Totally not a great thing to feel self-doubt when I’m rejected. Wait, that feeling when I size up other girls in a room and compare myself to them is a progeny of insecurity? Crap.

But through joining my small group, working on developing meaningful friendships, and just having a real 1 on 1 with the Lord.He’s revealed to me in so many ways how he is so gracious, for he says earlier in Jeremiah 29, “For I know the plan I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

That is not to say that we won’t be persecuted, be rejected, have boys not like us back, have an earthly father not show us approval, have really mean girls not invite us to parties, or have an entire nation discredit your belief system or worse threaten to imprison you!  (Ah! Thank you Jesus, my country’s problems don’t involve imprisonment for loving Jesus.)

But, with your security in Christ… wait..Ok I just want to share something that makes me really relieved.

For like a little while, I was like ok. My problems.. pretty insignificant. I mean does God really understand the struggle of going out with your best friend and her bf of forever and you’re like “I love my dog. Peace sign.” ? Why do you think his only son had to come down here?! Christ came down here, lived in these messes, made relationships with people who were just as messy as us. First hand. So when I call out to God, there’s Jesus right there saying, “Um God, my neighbor he had that problem too. I’ve seen it. That’s tough. let’s show her some grace.” And God’s like, “sweet. grace.”

“..in love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons (daughters) through Jesus Christ in accordance with his pleasure and will-to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves”

We have the most gracious and adoring Father who a 1000x says, I’ve got you covered. I’m enough. Hello, I knew the earth was round before anyone else! If we may only, “forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead…press on toward the goal” There’s a certain security there that is unable to be broke.

My last little piece, is the hardest part for me. Sometimes, I’m like sweet babies, I love my Father and he loves me, and I’m just gonna be all sorts of cool today. Then others, I’m like wtf. “Y” did not call me back and I’ve known him for like 3 days, can I just go cry to my momma? It takes some daily living sacrifices to say, today I give my dreams and desires to you, so that you may lead my path. In doing that you’re given a renewed spirit. One capable of handling the rough stuff and really loving the good stuff.. Because  he tells us,

“She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25

Let’s enjoy that he specifically calls out women here. In the original translations in most cases the “He” or “sons” was more of a word that meant persons/self. But there in Proverbs, he’s speaking straight to ladies. He knows, us.