Weekends that are not horse show weekends, the other working student and I choose one day to have off. I’ve found a wonderful church so have taken the past Sunday and tomorrow off to go. I’m so excited to become wound up in a church community that I can have hold me accountable and fellowship with.
On the weekend day we do work, we work solo until the afternoon when we have help come to assist turning out horses, feedings, stalls, etc. My girls would have been astonished to see me today. (I’m loving every minute of it.) Climbing the ladder involves a lot of dirty work amidst the fun and riding. While yesterday I rode eight horses, all of which are athletic, lovely, and very well trained animals. Today, I spent my morning scrubbing the stall doors, cleaning tack, and checking waters.
I love referring to Auburn’s creed:
I believe that this is a practical world and that I can count only on what I earn. Therefore, I believe in work, hard work.
As I stood there with dirty soapy water running down my arms, wet socks, and a few spiders watching me I almost for a second thought about what it would be like if I had accepted the position with the Big Four Accounting Firm. I would have been able to afford to board one horse at a barn like this, come in to take a lesson a week, and buy a pair of Animo breeches. But then, I caught myself. I remembered yesterday spending the entire day riding, I have Gracie who I know every intricate detail about her personality and mannerisms because I work with her every day, and I have a program that is devoted to developing my riding. The tasks I’m accomplishing off the back of the horse are just as essential for the success of this program and the health of the horses, that I adore.
Speaking of considering alternate routes. At this point of my new adventure in Annapolis, I have a date. I’m not going to talk about my date. What I am going to write about is what I realized as I was preparing for my date. In college, I had no sense of self-discovery, but instead had several wonderful examples from peers to mimic in how I dressed, talked, planned futures like. This was wonderful, because I was able to find my niche in this comfortable setting where my clothes matched how I spoke which matched the people around me. I looked in my closet, yesterday. (I planned what I would wear two days in advance…) I had no idea what I would wear. Nothing fit exactly how I felt at this moment. Driving to the mall today, I went from store to store, all of these styles slightly different than what I was used to. Some were a tad more edgy, or too preppy, or too boho. Then I realized, I have absolutely no idea what I want to wear or appear like. I wanted to be cute and modest, like Zooey Deschanel, but I also wanted to be hip and cool like a Free People lookbook.
My head was spinning, mainly because I was conned into buying a $5 cookie with too much icing. I tried to call Mom whose phone was not ringing. I did eventually find an outfit I could see myself strolling through D.C. in and a pair of cheap sunglasses to hide my face in case I realize the outfit completely does not match.
But on the drive home, I thought about all of those blogs I’d read and heard about where your 20s are a time to figure out who you are. Up until the past few hours, I had considered this complete B.S. “You are
who you are in the moment, you’ll change, that’s just a way for people to consider selfish things,” said my previous self. But, if I have no idea who I am, then couldn’t anyone sway me to be one way or the other?
Just like one of my favorite boutique in Auburn would sway my fashion choices by what they put in their window. Whoever my closest friends were, that was the music I liked. My actions were similar to the cool Accounting kids. Constantly imitating someone else, makes it hard to do a self-check. Now that I am on my own, developing a new community, I want to do adulthood right. Adulthood becoming a time where I’m confident in the decisions I make.